What does "Nevermind" mean to you?

Nirvana's seminal "Nevermind" album is nearly 20. Technically speaking, Sept 24 will be its birthday, but festivities are already ramping up. Taking inspiration from this SPIN cover story on the 20-year anniversary of Nirvana's "Nevermind," I'd like to ask you the same question: What does "Nevermind" mean to you? Share your stories!

The Long Road

I’ve been reticent to write about Pearl Jam here. The band has held a strong-burning candle in my heart for so long that it is too challenging to extract it and form those emotions into words. I fear anything I say will sound too fangirl and be misconstrued.

Music has always been important in my life, but I spent years waffling to find my own musical identity. I explored pop, hiphop, country, rap. But it was Pearl Jam that awakened my ears and soul to a place that felt intrinsically me. Their songs were unknown, yet familiar. Their energy and passion contagious. Without Pearl Jam, I wouldn’t be on the path I am today. They were the inciting incident in my film. The impetus to my trajectory toward music and writing.

Lead singer Eddie Vedder, in particular, was the catalyst. Yes  (let’s get the fangirl stuff out of the way...), he was impossibly sexy. But his startling blue eyes and wry smile were just the surface of a passionate musical old soul that stirred something in my own. In those early days, Vedder’s lyrics spoke to me in a place I needed to be spoken to without even realizing it. I gravitated to the songs Eddie penned, lyrically and musically. When I heard “Release” or “Rearviewmirror” or “Corduroy,” they synced with my own heartbeat.

So it was exciting to hear Vedder was supplying the entire soundtrack for 2007’s “Into the Wild” film. A chance for the singer-songwriter side of Vedder to shine. I  ached to see this album performed live and was heartbroken that Vedder didn’t play any official shows in his hometown in support (True to form, he held a couple stealth shows at a West Seattle hall as warm-up, but I didn’t hear about this until after the fact). So deep was my desire that my husband and I even considered a trip to Australia earlier this year, both for a visit to Oz as well as the chance to see a Vedder solo show in Brisbane; unfortunately we couldn’t afford it.

Then came Vedder’s unsuspecting second solo effort, Ukulele Songs. He finally scheduled two Seattle shows on the itinerary, so I bought tickets - though admittedly, I was wary of the whole endeavor. A stripped down uke-based effort seemed too slow, too quiet for a man who used to feverishly swing from the rafters at gigs.

How wrong I was.

On the last night of the US tour, Vedder graciously, humbly, selflessly played for 2.5 hours to a sold-out Benaroya Hall. He was effervescent, jovial, hilarious, impassioned, and unbridled. Maybe even sober (next to his stool sat a cup full of water, not the usual wine bottle). Despite the tour’s name, there was more than just a ukulele on stage; also in the quiver were an electric and acoustic guitar, a mandolin, and a homemade kick-drum forged out of what looked like a produce box.

Vedder played through songs from his entire career, including newer Ukulele material, most tracks from Into the Wild, handfuls of Pearl Jam songs, and even one of the oldest songs in Vedder’s personal catalog, “Betterman” (The track made it onto PJ’s third album Vitalogy, but it was actually a song Ed wrote as a teenager and appeared on his San Diego band Bad Radio’s demo.)

Throughout the night, Vedder sincerely and repeatedly expressed how happy he was to be home. He told how, while his roots were in Chicago and So Cal, it was the music and bands and people of Seattle that made him call this home - and a place he’d never leave. Drawing near the close of the set, Vedder again thanked his hometown crowd, reaching his arms out in a wide V, embracing us in an open-armed hug home. We embraced our boy right back.

There are so many other great moments from the show to share – like Vedder and tour-mate Glen Hansard’s emotional duets and displays of true friendship. Or the belly-hurting laughter induced by his stories of early-days Seattle and a funny incident in Discovery Park. Or the way the sound of Vedder’s voice swelled to fill the room. But I want to keep these details close for now.

Somewhere toward the end of the set, I found my finger resting on the inside of my wrist. I listened intently to the song's beat and felt my pulse. Perfectly in sync. Hearts and thoughts… they do not fade away.

7/16/11 Setlist <courtesy the 10club forum>

Can't Keep

Sleeping By Myself

Without You

Hey Fahkah

You're True

Soon Forget

Longing To Belong

Needle And The Damage Done

Long Road

Wishlist

Man Of The Hour

I Am Mine

Long Nights w/Glen Hansard

No Ceiling

Far Behind

Guaranteed

Rise

Lukin

Just Breathe

The End

Unthought Known

Betterman/Save It For Later

Encore Break 1

I'm One

Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town

Immortality

Sleepless Nights

Society

Falling Slowly

Open All Night

Porch

Encore Break 2

Rockin' In The Free World

Hard Sun

Dream A Little Dream

What To Do in Seattle (A Quick Music-History Tour)

We're approaching a long weekend, which always brings more tourists to town. In case you're coming to visit Seattle to see some of our city's music history landmarks, I've prepared a must-see list for you. Locations in Seattle proper unless otherwise noted.

Museums & Parks & Cemeteries

• Experience Music Project (EMP): "Nirvana - Taking Punk to the Masses" exhibit on now through April 2012 At the base of the Space Needle, downtown
• Viretta Park (aka "Kurt Cobain Park"): Adjacent to the former Cobain house; fans often leave memorabilia here in tribute 151 Lake Washington Boulevard East
• Greenwood Memorial Park: Where Jimi Hendrix is buried. Again, bring candles & other mementos to leave behind. Fun fact: my grandparents are buried mere steps from Jimi's final resting place. 350 Monroe Ave Ne (Renton, WA)
• Sound Garden: I really wanted to tell you to visit this sound-sulpture park run by NOAA and where Soundgarden, the band, got its name. But apparently it's still on very restricted access post-9/11 and is not open on the weekends...If you happen to be in Seattle on a weekday, consider checking it out. Magnuson Park is a great place to picnic, too. 7400 Sand Point Way NE

Rock Clubs & Other Famous Buildings:

• The OK Hotel: Lore says Nirvana first unveiled "Smells Like Teen Spirit" here. It's also the setting of the coffee-shop where Bridget Fonda's character works in Singles. Now it's an apartment building... so take photos from the outside. 212 Alaskan Way S
• The "Singles" apartment building: Snap a picture; later, PhotoShop in a photo of Matt Dillon sitting on the steps playing sappy love ballads on his guitar. E Thomas St & 19th Ave E (Capitol/First Hill neighborhood)
• Feedback Lounge: Owned by local grunge hero & Lame Lister Jeff Gilbert. 6451 California Ave SW (West Seattle)
• Sub Pop Records: No explanation necessary. 2013 Fourth Avenue

Record Stores

• Singles Going Steady: A great place to while away time and take home some musical treasures. 2219 2nd Ave Ste C

Recording Studios

• London Bridge: Tucked away off a busy thoroughfare north of Seattle, this studio recorded seminal records from all of your favorites - Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden... 20021 Ballinger Way NE #A, Shoreline (north of Seattle)
• Studio X: A favorite of Pearl Jam/Eddie Vedder 2212 4th Ave

Eateries

• Beth's Cafe: Famous for its 12-egg omelet. Bring your antacid. I drank a lot of diner coffee here growing up... 7311 Aurora Ave N.
• Mama's Mexican Kitchen: Not necessarily grungy, but kitschy and delicious. You deserve a margarita. 2234 2nd Avenue

Outerwear

• Destee Nation: Commemorate your visit with a t-shirt of your favorite local establishments (current and past). Examples from the much-beloved/RIP category: Fallout Records, Sunset Bowl. 3412 Evanston Ave N. (Fremont neighborhood)
• Experience: The place to buy Docs back in the day. They're still stocked! 912 Alaskan Way along the waterfront. (Near the OK Hotel)

Etc (Non-grunge)

• (Updated 6/28): KEXP: I'm upset with myself that I initially left this public radio station off the list. The station is vital to the music scene, and larger community, in Seattle. Swing by their headquarters for a tour and soak in the magic. 113 Dexter Avenue North
• The gum wall: Self-explained. Add your piece. Across from the entrance to the Alibi room (great for drinks!) at 85 Pike St near the Pike Place Market
• Original Starbucks: Be prepared for crowds and buskers playing music while you wait (let us know if you spot anyone famous) 1912 Pike Pl
• Lakeview Cemetery: Bruce Lee fan? Visit his grave. 1554 15th. Ave. E (Capitol Hill)

A couple of suggested circuits:

Swing up to Capitol Hill in the morning. Visit the "Singles" building, drive over to see Bruce Lee's grave, then head downtown for lunch at Mama's. Have a margarita or two, then go record shopping at Singles Going Steady. Crashing? Head down to the Pike Place Market (visit the Sub Pop building on the way) then hit up the first-ever Starbucks, then wander down to the gum wall.

Start your morning at Beth's. Stuffed to the gills, drive to the Waterfront and cruise by the OK Hotel. Swing into Experience for some new shoes. Leave them in the bag. You have a big walk ahead of you. Climb the Harbor Steps (University St.) from the waterfront up to 1st Ave. Wander toward the Market, swinging by the gum wall on your way into the Alibi Room for a drink. Head north through the market to Starbucks, then up to Belltown to see Sub Pop and Studio X. Consider a movie at Cinerama (not on the list above, but very awesome.)

Nirvana - Taking Punk to the Masses EMP Exhibit

Finally had a chance to tour the new Nirvana exhibit at the Experience Music Project (EMP). Rather than spending a lot of wordage, here are photos + captions to tell the story:

There's been lots of Love Buzz about this exhibit. I was beyond antsy to see it. Here's the entrance.

I love these old relics: cassette tapes and the Vogue define the early days - not that I, being underage, could get in to the Vogue!

Beyond radness. RIP The Rocket - so thrilled that I got the chance to intern there in the later days. This magazine introduced me to music journalism.

Kurt lyrics.

"I may go far if I smash my guitar."

In Utero stage angel. Hard to fathom these survived the carnage of a live Nirvana show. I recall looking up to this from the pit at the Live and Loud show. Ugly and gorgeous at once.

The infamous naked-baby shot, which became Nevermind's cover. The scribbled note at the top says, "If anyone has a problem with his dick we can take it out." Ha!

It was strangely surreal to see that green shirt. I bought - and wore frequently - a similar one in the early 90s to emulate Kurt. Next to it is the MTV award given to Nirvana - inscribed for "Smells like Team Spirit." Whoops.

You know that crazy-famous action shot of Kurt leaping into a drumset? This is it. The tour guide said this had just been hung in the exhibit recently.

Pat Smear's instantly recognizable guitar from "MTV Unplugged." 

Marshall red.

That's Kurt as Barney and Pat Smear as Slash at a Halloween show.

A wall of memories. The aftermath of grunge - the mid 90s. 

The yellow sweater Kurt wore in "Teen Spirit." How badly I wanted to reach into the glass to a) touch it and b) smell it - because I bet that it did not smell like teen spirit. 

I’ve been wanting to crack that joke for a few weeks now.

But now that seems mindless. Because as I loaded these pictures from my camera onto my computer, I had a moment with this image. For a split second, as I flipped through the thumbnails, I thought this was a live shot of Kurt on stage.  I couldn’t figure out what shot I’d taken. Where did this one come from?

The blurry blond head in the photo’s background was, for a moment, Kurt mid-song, wearing the tattered sweater. The black gap in the cardigan – the space where his frame should be – was, temporarily, filled.

It's haunting. And, much like Kurt’s time on this earth – fleeting but forever.

If you want to see the EMP exhibit, get there before April 2012.

KEXP's "Grunge" stories

Just a quick tidbit. KEXP - the hands-down best radio station in Seattle - has an ongoing series on Grunge. So far they've covered Green River, Melvins, Soundgarden, Screaming Trees, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, and Mother Love Bone. I strongly suggest you give them a listen.

Lots of awesome stories and ghosts wafting through...

Remembering Kurt

I didn't expect to be hit with such emotion today. It's just a Tuesday. A busy one at that. But as it turns out,
it has been 17 years since Kurt Cobain died. Our local DJ, John Richards on KEXP 90.3, is in the middle of playing a stirring tribute of Seattle songs this a.m. in honor of Kurt - all of our favorite bands plus poignant clips of a Cobain interview in betwixt. The rush of memories flooded back to me.

I still remember precisely where I was when I heard Kurt died: 5th period history class taught by Mr. L. The news began trickling through our class in whispers and notes. No cell phone texts or emails to tell us. Just pure word of mouth - delivered with raw emotion. Some people cried. Others joked, unbelieving.

After class, a few of my dear friends and I drove down to Lake Washington Blvd, to the small park adjacent to Kurt's house. I suppose we went to see if this was really true. To help get some closure. There was a small gathering of other Nirvana/Kurt/Seattle music fans there, also mourning. Some of my friends ended up on TV - "Inside Edition" or some such celeb gossip show. I was happy they didn't use my clip; it felt somehow exploitative.

In the days that followed, we'd hear more Nirvana music than ever before - back to back blocks. It was all we could talk about. Tributes sprung up around town. A public vigil gathered at the Seattle Center fountain; legions of fans storming the Seattle Center to grieve, collectively.

Historians and journalists always try to pinpoint trends and pivotal moments in music/culture. The days following Kurt's death were that pivotal moment for me and, I suspect, many others. As cheesy as it sounds, it was the day OUR music died.

{update: listen to the KEXP tribute from this morning here - go to "on demand" --> "streaming show archive" and set the start time to 4/5/11, 7.56 a.m.}

New Nirvana

A few weeks ago, I scored big at Half Price Books. My guy and I went in to sell a boxfull of books we no longer needed on our crammed shelves. While we waited for the clerk to tally our totals, I scrounged through the vinyl and CD bins for treasures. I walked away with two: the Nirvana boxset - for only $15 - and a copy of In Utero on CD.

Both are new (to me).

By the time In Utero came out in late '93, I was "over" Nirvana (as is evidenced from my review of their Live and Loud show, whose setlist was dominated by tracks from that album). Everywhere I turned, I heard "All Apologies" and "Heart-Shaped Box." Why buy the album?

18 years later, I know why I should've. The textures and soundscapes on this record are nothing short of mind boggling. When I first put the disc in my car stereo, I quickly ejected it to make sure it was the correct album: I thought someone had slipped a live Nirvana recording into the In Utero case. But no, it was correct. Producer Steve Albini is known for recreating the live experience on disc, and In Utero is a perfect display of his talents. Instantly, the thumping bass and feedback-heavy guitars transported me back to that warehouse where I saw Nirvana churn out these songs.

I haven't been able to stop listening, since. I wish I could go back in time, with this new perspective, and see that show again. I think I'd have an entirely different memory.

My Pearl Jam Anniversary and a New Live Album

It's hard to process that it's been nearly 20 years since I first clutched Pearl Jam's Ten album. At age 15, those tracks were a life ring, buoying me to the surface of an entire new world of music and culture that just so happened to surround me in my dreary, rainy hometown of Seattle.

I still remember the date precisely: January 17, 1992. That was the first time I ever saw Pearl Jam live, at the Moore Theatre. My new stepsister had bought me Ten for Christmas, and also hooked me up with tickets to that show. So off we went, my best friend and I and my stepsister and her dude, crammed in the back of a rocker-era Celica.

Pearl Jam came out to the wordless "Master/Slave," took the stage, and proceeded to rock me to my core through their blistering set. They played nearly every song off Ten (their only full album) plus a couple of covers including The Who's "Baba O'Riley." The energy was intoxicating - especially as Eddie Vedder climbed the rafters and swung from the balcony right in front of us.

A camera crew recorded the night, and later that spring I shrieked as I saw the video for "Even Flow." (If I look closely during the end of that video, I can still point out where we stood.)

To this day, my love for Pearl Jam continues to burn. Last night - January 17 - was the release party for PJ's newest live album, Live on Ten Legs. It was an apt way to celebrate my two-decades-long love affair with the band. I pine for the old, freer, younger days (don't we all). But I love that, despite the passing of two decades, a live Pearl Jam set is just as dynamic as ever. I picked up the vinyl copy of the album on the way out, and now I'm itching to get home from work tonight to spin that black circle.

Per the Ten Club fansite, here's a listing of the tracks on Live on Ten Legs:

"Live on Ten Legs" Tracklisting:

1. Arms Aloft

2. World Wide Suicide

3. Animal

4. Got Some

5. State of Love And Trust

6. I Am Mine

7. Unthought Known

8. Rearview Mirror

9. The Fixer

10. Nothing As It Seems

11. In Hiding

12. Just Breathe

13. Jeremy

14. Public Image

15. Spin the Black Circle

16. Porch

17. Alive

18. Yellow Ledbetter

New Year's Eve of Decades Past: Nirvana on MTV's Live and Loud

My junior year in high school, during the last week before Christmas break, I overheard some extraordinary news in history class: Pearl Jam and Nirvana were playing a show at Pier 48 in Seattle. The price of admission? Canned goods for a food drive.

After school, my girls and I anxiously drove straight to the waterfront in search of the action. Forget homework - or common sense. We had to get in to this show!

We waited outside in the cold for at least an hour or two, in a line that snaked alongside a derelict part of town. Each of us took turns running to a nearby mini-mart to buy some soup for the food drive.

There was no guarantee of admission - and so we hoped and prayed. At last the line shuffled inside. We eagerly handed off our cans and entered an old warehouse.

We were in!

At some point during the afternoon - I believe it was once we were inside, if memory serves - we learned that Pearl Jam wouldn't play after all. Singer Eddie Vedder was apparently ill. I, among others at the gig, speculated it a symptom of the rivalry between PJ and Nirvana. I surmised that somewhere, EdVed was lurking in the audience, watching the show go down, seeing if this guy Kurt Cobain was for real.

My evening was already ruined by this point. I couldn't give two craps about the other bands on the bill - The Breeders and and Cyprus Hill (even with PJ's Stone Gossard, Jeff Ament, and Dave Abbruzzese on one song) were not my thing. And, being a die hard PJ fan, I sided with them in any fictitious battle and sour-faced my way through Nirvana's set. 

I thought they stunk. 

Two weeks later, when MTV finally aired the Live and Loud concert on New Year's Eve 1993, I was stunned. The band - loose and terse on stage - were crisp. Buoyant, even. Was this the same show?

Maybe MTV's sound engineers scrambled to "fix" the recording before it aired. Maybe I'd been standing in a poor-acoustics section of the warehouse. Maybe my bad mood marred my impressions.

All I know is, now, looking back, I'm amazed and indebted that I was at this gig. 

Only a few months later, in April 1994, Kurt would be found dead. I'd hear of his death in that same history classroom. This show was the last time I saw him -- living loud and live.